Inspiration

Thank you for being there
for all the kindness and smiles
Thank you for that stare
to the stars, when you are alone in miles
and miles...

Maybe eternity is something not for me to promise
because forever's somewhere I won't ever go
but the moments in the past I know you'll miss
were the very first of a couple thousands or so...

Ok, I ain't got the perfect smile, or laugh
but, baby, this is all for real:
this ain't just some random and Rough Draft,
this is Something of Value, something I feel.

I know I'm taking long
but I'm on a spree
let me finish up the song
and I'll soon set it free.

So, resuming to conclude:
there ain't no need to be apart
cuz I ain't gonna be rude
just the guy you know with a Firewater heart.

Funny though, how long it's been...
One Year and Six Months ago I Believe
since you induced me on my favorite sin
of dreaming to be with you in tomorrow's eve.

But there's been so much change,
and I guess I'm no Avondale's King in this fairytale
I'm more like the classic character you always find strange
and never gets to have his own private Paperwall for sale.

Well there must be Gifts and Curses
for everyone to bare
although it could be a lot worse
and not having you DOES sound like a nightmare!

Anyways, I'm exceeding my time
just wanted the message to get through
that maybe, someday (in my dreams) you'll be mine

and until death does me apart, I'LL STILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU*

Tired

A helpless hand emerged from the sand. My nails were flat of the pointless scratching on the walls around me. I screamed, but nothing happened. I'm not even sure if anything ever came out. I suppose not, anyways it wouldn't matter. It's not there's gonna be miraculous rope taking me out of here. My I tried screaming again, and i keep strugling, and trying to scream. This time, something definitely came out, but not from me. A hand grabbed my wrist, and i was being lifted, saved. And then, with a glimpse, that same hand dropped me and i sunk into myself, again, and no scream I could make would be heard. No matter of how I strugle, I kept going down. So, why just don't give it up? Why don't I leave it, and let myself go down with the power of my weight? So I did, and now, nothing change, instead, I'm feeling desperate, I'm feeling alone, hate and anger and all my wrath coming out of my own skin. I should rise, I shall rise! I shall be unstopable, I shall be undefeatable, but I'm not now... So i guess I'll just go now, and whine about it, maybe tomorrow will be a better day, maybe I'll forget about this or won't. One thing I can promise: I'm tired of this...

Does anyone believe in change?...

He left the house. Behind stayed all the racket and chaos that some of them called a party. Going down the stairs, he felt different, he felt free, loose, untouchble. The feeling was overwhelming...

As days went on, he felt thirsty, it felt like he was being taken over by this great sensation of power. Although barely a week had passed, it seemed years had gone by, and he had learned from all the time it didn't exist.

- Why care? Why the sudden impulse of doing what is right when nobody notices and noone gets nothing for it and you are the only faceless loser to actualy get slapped over it? -
The feeling altered, he wasn't himself anymore, or his old self at least. He was stronger, more resistance and even more reckless. To him, the only thing that mattered were his loaded six string and the booze. And the company, the female company... or at least the objects that made him feel not THAT alone. They weren't like normal people, even less like him. They were his, and noone else's, that's why he could do whatever he wanted to them regardless of the consequences, and noone had a damn to do with it. He felt like owning, instead of owned... He felt great... too great... The untouchability of his greatness blinded him from reality, and all that he was before was just that: Past. And past was made to be forgotten... So he thought...

Then, descending from his heavenly throne, he reflected upon the time since the ascendence, putting the lost pieces of time together, and realized...nothing changed...the face didn't change only the name, and the nam was something he wanted to keep buried. But he realized... the time wouldn't've add up to this, neither would anything he had gone through... so...

- Why change? Why the sudden impulse to make it all wrong, when everything that has ever changed belonged to his own world, where nobody could see a thing and the only one living up to it, was himself? -

Again, something altered. Not the feeling, not quite. He altered himself. The expression in his face chilled at the ultimate conclusion. The pain of being aware that he deceived himself was astonishing, the shame overwhelming. So he rose, again, not to the throne laying alone in his dreams of his own world, but to the door left slightly opened behind him.

So he went, back to the old grim corridor to his own empty apartment, right there, on someone else's world...

Long time no see...

Again,
sands, winds, faces and waters
of time
came and faded away...
The days wasted
hours passed,
the sun, again, went up and down
countless times.

The melody played,
constantly, unmutant...
as for the voice singing,
it faded, it broke, it has got
stained, polluted and unpure...
what once was a Beautiful Song,
became an Unbearable and Hurting SCREAMING!
and it stopped....
like Me...
it stopped...
It rewinded, but did not turn back...
Erased all that was behind, shut the melody from playing
and overcome all of it to become...Silence...
...a whisper...
...a lost memory...
...a faded dream...
...a forgotten face...
...a muted conversation...

And then, sudden and smoothly,
like a baby born to the world,
like a hopeless soldier reaching his soul to the sky,
I openned my eyes.
Nothing had change,
nothing had been lost...
the time passed, but that ain't new...

Looking back I realized what happened:
I shutted myself from me, and ran away
from myself.

But I got back, I've made it back...

Because it all changes... for good!

It feels good not to have to watch over my back, not to have to see the ground I step on, not to have to mesure my words, my laughs, my life... It feels nice not to have to think, to worry about it... And hell it feels good to be me again! After all, that was all it took for it to come along as always!!...
The only funny thing is, it's weird how people (yeah, me...) can't see how much they're loved, until they love too... Blindness has no limits... Nor does stupidity, for that matter! xD
Well, what the hell, ain't it swell...? gee, i must be outta ma mind, but this is the only way i could find... I kinda don't feel like runnin, and i dont dig hidin either... So be ready, cuz i aint steppin down, i aint gettin back, i aint gonna go anywhere! y'all just have to get me, or else i'll getcha!
Yeah, kasak has taken over, and i've gone berserk... and im gonna keep it that way...
Cya later, aligator... Smell y'all later.... ;)

Answer Wanted

I know could've done somethings which I didn't, but I doubt that's all your reasons for giving up on me... I doubt that you've forgotten the things I did for you, also the ones I'm willing to do. I doubt you've actually come to despise me, because you needed me too many times before. No way all the time we spent together meant nothing to you, they meant everything to me... All the talks, all the walks, all the stares and laughs, all the worries and mistakes (probably), the sights and sounds... Those must be still alive, I need those, and you need me, you've said it yourself. Fine, let's go back to ground zero, I'll do it all over again... Same mistakes too, if that's what it really takes... I'll shed the same tears, and laugh over the very same jokes, and I won't leave, not as long as you don't want me to... But, what if you do? What if I'm marking my ground, for something that no longer exists? You were almost everything I had, and I let you go... Did I loose you? I don't know... Does it feels like it? It hell does!... Just tell me, tell me I can make it better again and I will. Show me what I did wrong, explain what I have to do, for I want to make it all right again. But you have to want it, you have to miss what we had, you have to love me... You have to, or else there is nothing that can be done... I never meant to say goodbye, I wanted to stay and wait forever, and do whatever it takes. You begged me not to leave, I won't... You wanted me not to change, I didn't... You need me to be happy, I can't, not if you don't help me.

I swear to you, I'll wait. I'll crawl, cry and weep... Just tell me you still love me like you did, show me that you'd miss me if I were gone, prove me wrong this once, and I'll run back to you... Because now I want you, badly, deeply, madly. My question begs your answer. Answer me honestly, and I'll do what I promised, being that whatever it is...

I missed that...

I missed that look on your face. Not the one that quietly begged for help with the innocence of a child, the desperation of a caged bird and the life beneath a warm heart, but the one that melts my soul and breaks my heart with emotion of such a beautiful sparkle that gazed me. Geez, I missed the deep blue sea behind that face, the greatness through the waters of time that flow through your mind, the light, the sunlight, thrown at me by your smile. And it thrills me. It thrills me that I no longer have to fear it, no longer have I to depend on it, but forever enjoy it and keep it. No longer shall my skin be the one burned and scratched by such beautiful wonder, instead home for a renewed friendship, one of those that seem to last forever and that shall not be forgotten.
Right now I feel the sorrow that flows through my veins, the one that I was the cause of, the one that I won't be able to compensate. I must regain the days lost, the help ungiven and the smiles unshown. Unfortunately, no hours can compare to the minutes I didn't spend talking, no star can be a missed glimpse. The stars won't be the ones helping forget it, but they'll be the ones making it all better.
Maybe we can do it as before and talk until forever, maybe we can do as before and look up at the sky, maybe we can do it as before and look at each others eyes and see nothing but ourselves...

I'm willing to do it all over again, are you too? No mistakes this time...